Ok, so the first night I spent at my mother's house. The second night I indulged in a long bubble bath, a book, and an early night in. The third night I paced around the house, cleaned, paced, read, paced....you get the picture. Last night I tried really hard to enjoy myself, but after a couple of hours and a dropped call from Hubby I finally disolved. I cried for about half an hour before I decided to get out of the house and wander around the grocery store for a bit.
When Hubby started to leave tonight, I felt the panic rise up in my throat. I could feel the tears start as he reached over to kiss me goodbye. Then I got angry. I refuse to let this be a bad thing! There are so many positives here. Hubby is out of the house and he's happy. That's a huge plus! The house is much easier to clean and dinner time is simple for me since there are no "meat and taters" to be made and there are no compromises on what to have. If I choose to eat a salad for dinner, that's perfectly fine. If I want to nix meat, I can do that again.
In addition, without Hubby here for me to wait on hand and foot, I can bring back some of the things I used to fill my days with. I now have time to write again or read more. I can go to the gym when I want or hang out with my mom without worrying about dinner time and making sure Hubby is taken care of. If you think about it, to go from what was to what is should be a point of celebration really. I can crank up the music or drown in chick flicks all night if I want! What more could I want?
It will take some time to get used to the quiet. I may have to fumble around a bit to find myself a new routine and rediscover some of the things I used to enjoy, but this is a great chance to do that. I don't plan on us being childless for too much longer and I need to take advantage of the time I have now. I guess this job is a new beginning for both Hubby and me.